Kathy's Tips for Getting the Story

Working with Unwilling Parents or Grandparents

(At some point...you may have to do it yourself)

Some of us have parents that are a bit stubborn and somewhat resistant or shy about sitting down and telling about their life on tape.  They may not be great writers, so getting them to write these stories down, is also out of the question.

Despite our pleading, they continue to be resistant to the idea of putting their memories down on paper, tape or otherwise for future generations of the family.

At some point, it gets pretty obvious.  If we want memories and stories from their lives preserved for our own children and grandchildren, we're going to have to do it ourselves!

It's usually not a problem getting them to talk  In fact, most people like to talk about themselves and do it quite often. It's just when you put a notebook and pencil in front of them or a microphone that they clam up.  

Opportunities abound, when we really listen and then, within a very short period of time, record what we were told. Here are some tips for parents who you know will never sit down and preserve memories from their lifetime.

•   Listen to their tales and put them on paper.  Do this the same day that they tell the stories.    Include them in your journal at night.
• Ask Questions: Create a list of questions; questions that you are really curious to know the answers to.  Make it a point to work one or two of those questions into your conversation.  For example, a young mother, in a moment of desperation may ask, “How did you do it mom"?  Be ready to really listen! Again, write the stories and memories they tell down.
• Work Together: Several times I volunteered to help my Nana clean out her closet or old "junk" drawers.  Personal items she had stashed along with letters provided a wealth of memories and I learned a lot about my grandmother’s childhood.  Even her furniture had a rich history.  Today her 1942 Hoffman TV and beautiful hi-fi walnut cabinet sit in my living room.  I love knowing that for many years it was watched and listened to every evening in the home of my grandparents and mother when she was a small child.   Wouldn't it be better to go through these drawers now, with your elders, than to have to go through them later, without them?  Items found will spark many memories and as your mother or father reminisce, listen and remember the stories.  Again, write them down later that day, while the stories are still fresh in your mind.
• Instigate a Little: Have your children coax some memories out of your parents by asking their grandparents what life was like when they were the respective age of your children.  Many times, children will ask great questions on their own, but you may need to "coach" them a bit..  Listen real close to the answers your children receive.

Use some or all of the ideas mentioned above to finally begin putting stories from your parent's life down on paper.  After all, if you don't do it, who will? 

Don't let any excuse in the world, allow your elders to take all their stories with them, even if it means that you have to write them down yourself!  Don’t let their life stories become buried treasures.